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Merry XXXmas

It’s the holiday season, and that can only mean one thing – internet gay porn companies are forcing Santa hats onto all of their naked models. Think I’m kidding?
Let’s start with Broke Straight Boys and their contribution, Bukake for the Holidays, in which six beauties form a circle around some lucky boy and coat him with jism and good cheer, all the while wearing those stupid Santa hats. Then there’s College Dudes, who frolic about wearing Santa hats and then blow each other. Is there anything more disturbing than some guy with a cock in his mouth while wearing a Santa hat? Next up is Next Door Buddies with Jingle Balls. No Santa hats, just erections decorating the Christmas tree. Feliz navidude.

Next Door Twink presents How the Twink Stole Christmas, in which two twinks start off dressed as Boy Scouts before getting naked to fuck’n’suck. I recall seeing this photo shoot years ago, so I guess porn companies recycle product, much the way TV stations keep showing It’s A Wonderful Life every year. The folks at Big Daddy, a site specializing in hung black men, offer a mixed race couple, with the black dude wearing his Santa cap over his huge dick. Then the white guy gets fucked doggie style while wearing a big red bow on his back.

Active Duty provides a dozen soldiers having an orgy around the tree, but it is from 2008, again recycled product. I’ll assume most of them have been discharged by now, pardon the pun. Boynapped, which specializes in bondage, gives us a sexy young guy tied up and adorned with twinkling Christmas lights. Straight Boys Fucking gives us a threeway in which all participants are dressed like elves, because really,  what could be sexier?

The hunks at Next Door World pose coyly with giant Christmas tree bulbs held strategically over their genitals, and Men gets points for originality with their photo shoot Johnny In A Box. It’s the story of a man who orders a very realistic looking love doll (actually, a cute guy with lines drawn on him to make him look like a Ken doll) that he unwraps and fellates, certainly every gay man’s Christmas wish.
But it is possible to go too far.

Both 1 Gay Pass and William Higgins dress up one of the models like Santa himself. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen some hot guy wearing a jolly red suit, a cheap white beard, and of course a Santa hat while getting a blow job. Bentleyrace goes even further with the sight of Santa examining a young man’s butthole before rimming him, a true Christmas miracle.

It is possible some people out there have Santa fetishes. Or some who may be amused by the whole holiday theme. But I’m not one of them. When will porn companies learn that their customers do not want holiday-themed porn? I never want to see a sexy nude man partially dressed as Cupid, St. Patrick, the Great Pumpkin, Uncle Sam, or Santa Claus ever again.

Merry XXXmas, dudes.

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