I'm having a bit of a dilemma these days. You see, I have a fetish. It is, to be sure, an unusual fetish. My fetish is to dress up like a cop for Pride Day.
I know what you're thinking. First, that's illegal. There are actual laws about impersonating a police officer, although that's half the fun, not getting caught. The costume store rents something that looks like a Toronto police uniform, but it's generic. It is meant for movie and TV shoots, not fetish play. But I have a feeling I'm not the only person who rents costumes for the purpose of fetish play. I knew a guy who liked to get blow jobs while dressed like Marie Antoinette and honey let me tell you, it is hot under all those crinolines. He was so deep into this annoying fetish that I declared I was going to bite his dick off, giving a whole new meaning to Marie Antoinette's saying, "Off with their heads."
Secondly, my timing couldn't be worse. A local activist group somehow managed to upend a million dollar parade with the help of a few lesbians who refuse to make clapping sounds. Well, it was bound to happen. These are the only people who have the patience to sit through Pride Committee meetings. They brought it to a vote and now it's a thing. Some people actually believe that banning uniformed cops at Pride will stop all the shootings and discrimination, which is a lot like hoping ice cream might help you lose weight.
So back to me and my adorable police uniform. Oh, how aroused I become thinking of how sexy I look dressed like one of those slobs who give out parking tickets. But I know if I show up in that outfit, someone will boo and hiss at me and call me names. (Don't you love when activists say they want to "start a conversation" about a contentious topic? It's always an entirely one-sided conversation, but whatever.)
Anyway, the costume shop just called to tell me that they're out of stock. Seems all their fat cop uniforms are already being used by the actual police force. Fine. I'll just have to go with my back up plan and wear a white sheet.
Just to be clear, I also have a ghost fetish. Boo.