My Gay Toronto - MGT Hot Topic

Dirty Martina

Dina Martina is a performer who defies categorization or description. Not a drag queen, not a female impersonator and definitely not a lady, Dina Martina is a hybrid of twisted styles, cacophonous sounds and bizarre performance art. Martina has developed a loyal fan base among the glitterati who rave about her mind-boggling shows and wild humour. John Waters, Margaret Cho, Matt Stone, Jennifer Coolidge and Whoopi Goldberg are among the notable names who have fallen under Martina’s spell.

Dina has shaken the foundations of clubs—and audiences—in New York, London, L.A., Provincetown and Toronto in We’re Funny That Way. Now, she is set to hit Hogtown once more with a show that is anything but conventional, somewhat controversial and definitely hilarious at The Flying Beaver Pubaret™.

I had an opportunity to ask the jaw-dropping diva a few questions about her show, her thoughts on celebrity, salads, Republican politicians and a certain mayor. Here’s what she had to say:

Who is Dina Martina and how does she see the world?
I'm basically an old-time hoofer with a ballpark figure and I see the world for what it is: Earth, the greatest planet in the world.

What is Dina's objective?
To try to get people to stop referring to her in the third person.

Do you care what celebrities think of you?
No, but because I'm clairvoyant I care when they think of me.  Sometimes at night I toss and turn and have trouble sleeping because I can sense certain celebrities thinking about me.  For a while, The Pope and Heather Locklear were thinking about me a lot and I didn't sleep for weeks, but luckily they stopped and I was able to get some rest.  Lately it's been the drummer from Warrant.

Is there any person, thing, topic or song that you won't touch?
Anchovies.  But I do love a good Caesar salad.

Is there any person or song that you'd love to touch but haven't yet?
Wilford Brimley.  What a dreamboat!

What inspires you to keep performing?
Everything inspires me. Kittens, an overturned canoe... Kid 'n' Play inspire me. Breech babies inspire me. That saying, "I'm sorry for your loss"...I like that a lot.  Lately, artisan breads have really been inspiring me and, actually, so have those new boutique sausages.

Are there any queer sacred cows that you avoid in your show?
No, but that sounds icky.

For Torontonians who haven't experienced one of your shows, what can they expect?
Side-splitting laughs… seam-splitting costumes… stunningly hilarious videos… surreal yet oddly pleasing song choices… rare and superfluous gifts for select audience members.  A 17-hour odyssey of sensory deprivation and world-class filler.  When money's no object, it's worth it!

We have a new, bloated, homophobic mayor in Toronto named Rob Ford.  What would you like to say to him?
I would like to say, "Your Mayorness, please allow me to be so bold as to suggest you lay off the sodium-rich diet and embrace the homocapables with open arms.  Diversity is a wonderful thing (on paper)."

Finally, Dina, a quick take on politics.  Who do you think would make the better Republican Presidential candidate:

  • Mitt Romney
  • Ron Paul
  • Newt Gingrich
  • Gumby
  • A Dead Squirrel

Well, I'm a big believer of truth in anagrams.  For instance:
"Mitt Romney" rearranges to spell "memory tint", which could mean his memory gets conveniently hazy.
"Newt Gingrich" rearranges to spell "gin wretching", which could mean he enjoys the frequent martini.
"Ron Paul" rearranges to spell "pro ulna", which could mean he uses his pinky finger a lot (if you know what I mean).
"Gumby" rearranges to spell "my mug", which could mean he's obsessed with his looks.
"A Dead Squirrel" rearranges to spell "salad required", which could mean a healthy diet is a priority.

So, to answer your question, A Dead Squirrel would be the best candidate. Thank you.

For MGT by Andrew Vail - -

Don’t miss Dina Martina at The Flying Beaver Pubaret™, February 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th. Get your tickets here before they're all snatched up!