I don't know what to say about Atomic Blonde. I wish I could be as terribly modern as everyone else and say that it's a step in the right direction. No. Sorry. I know the attitude we're supposed to have is to just take it for granted that Charlize Theron has a lesbian affair in the movie. She's not a lesbian, though - that would be old fashioned - because the 'Atomic Blonde' of the movie's title was in love with a man at the beginning - at least that's what's insinuated. So Charlize Theron is not a lesbian in the movie then. She's a bisexual. No. She's just fluid. Right? Because sexuality is fluid, right? And if you are a modern millennial-type person you will watch this movie and go, '"Oh yes, I get it. I didn't even notice who's having sex with who. That's what a long way we've come, baby."
Okay. Don't get me wrong. I think the movie is incredibly stylish, gorgeous really, and addictively watchable. I mean I hate complicated plots and the plot of this movie sure is complicated but I still enjoyed it. (Who is "Satchel" anyway?)
But dare I mention - and you know me, the last thing I would want to do is upset anyone, but - um, isn't it kind of crazy that Charlize Theron is so incredibly proud that there is a lesbian sex scene in the movie? I mean when I google 'Atomic Blonde lesbian' all that comes up is Charlize gushing about how much she loved doing the kiss with Sofia Boutella. I mean if lesbian sex is just well everywhere, and so accepted by everyone, then why is Charlize so proud of herself for having lesbian sex in this movie?
And the fact that there is a "Charlize Theron and Sofia Boutella Kiss" clip on YouTube - well I'm sure straight men aren't jerking off to it. I mean this is not straight porn right? I mean this movie isn't straight porn, if anything it's lesbian porn, right? Or lesbian love, or something lesbian? Or bisexual? Or fluid? Yes, that's it. It's fluid porn.
But what I actually think this movie is, is violence porn. Charlize is kicking people's heads in and the blood is gushing out practically every thirty seconds. Good for her, eh? I guess. She's a strong woman then, I guess.
I mean come to think of it, I've convinced myself. I really think this is a step forward, not just for 'moviekind' but for 'humankind' everywhere.
And certainly for womankind.
Yes, Charlize I congratulate you. Not since Monster have we seen such an important and forward-looking representation of a fluidly-sexed character. In Monster, you murdered men but in this movie you just kick them in the nuts over and over and over and over. That's a step forward, isn't it?