Dungeons and Drag Queens: the daffy, deviant denizens of Fire Island
30 Mar 2019.

by Drew Rowsome -

The title, tag line and designation are all, collectively and separately, an alluring excess to unpack:

Dungeons and Drag Queens
Fire Island through the eyes of its worst drag queen
Essays by Greg Scarnici
Disclaimer: Some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty

Then in the foreward Scarnici tells us that this is a book about Fire Island that was too gay to be published (publishers are apparently only looking for the current hot trend of "shape-shifting porn star werewolves"). So he self-published "because something tells me there is an audience for a book about a gay guy who dresses in drag and hooks up on Fire Island while someone ODs on his roof deck. And if there isn't, IDGAF."

Dungeons and Drag Queens is, initially, about Fire Island, that magical place that figures so much in gay literature - scathingly in Faggots - and gay mythology. There is a brief history lesson, vivid descriptions equally affectionate and affected, guest etiquette lessons, lots of sexual adventures, considerable product placement (Scarnici is also a DJ at many Fire Island venues) and yes, dungeons and drag queens. Very quickly Scarnici veers fabulously off course and the anecdotes - "essays" is one of the affectations - pepper the pages with comic reminisces, opinions and name dropping.

Scarnici has been summering on Fire Island since 1991 so he knows of what he writes. He is also an associate producer at Saturday Night Live and a practicing comedian/parodist/musician and a trashy genderfuck drag queen named Levonia Jenkins. So even the anecdotes that end limply are given a short stroke of a one-liner, and for the most part end hilariously. Dungeons and Drag Queens is irresistibly funny and, as Scarnici has warned, very, very gay. It is a missive on the state of gay from someone immersed from his high heels to his ratty wig in the state of gay.

There are wonderful stories and profiles of iconic drag queens of a certain age, a touching explanation of his open relationship, a loving defence of disco, a multitude of good and bad tricks, more quotable quips than any book deserves or drag queen should have on hand, and a PSA, quite practical, illustrating why one shouldn't "ever go into a back room without a bandana." There is also however a troubling undertone that surfaces - most notably in "Garden Shed of Earthly Delights" and a trip to Key West - where Scarnici lets snideness override his wit.

When excoriating the elite gays of The Pines, straight white tourists and drug abusers, or chronicling his own failures and misadventures, Scarnici is flat-out hilarious. He is punching up and lands each blow with precision. But more occasionally than is palatable, Scarnici falls into the state of gay trap of mocking the less physically fortunate, the older, lesbians, or those with sexual peccadilloes that don't match his own. It's a fine line to walk and while Scarnici is very, very good at gayspeak, his stiletto sometimes slips and sloppily stabs meanly.

The very short "Golden Time of Day" is a case in point.

In the summer of 2017, there was an artist on the island collecting urine from men on the beach so he could distill their piss into a certain colour of yellow oil paint from the 1500s or some shit. Fine. Then I found out a leather daddy on the island decided to throw him a party so he wouldn't get in trouble for having guys pee in his bucket on the beach. Still all good. But then I found out that the leather daddy decided to sing opera in a harness at the pee party and that's when my head exploded.

A witty, sweet anecdote sacrificed by a judgmental jibe. Scarnici's sense of wonder at the spectrum and spectacle of the state of gay is so compelling that, when something shocks or appalls him, he turns into a vicious old queen. But then of course, doesn't everyone want to sit next to the vicious old queen? She's the one who'll be dishing the good stuff.

There are bonuses of fabulous photos and links to Scarnici and Jenkins' videos and musical endeavours. And, amid all the froth and frivolity, hardcore sex and drugs, there is a touching passage on why 2019 is finally as sexually liberated as 1978, or the delightful line and sentiment that concludes the anecdote "Bukake Boy." The state of gay has a heart. A horny, campy one. One that beats strongly throughout Dungeons and Drag Queens.